Week Four

Yet another week spent on parental leave, and yet another week that feels like it got away from me. It turns out, parental leave isn’t necessarily the time to get on top of everything but instead is just a lot like normal life, with slightly more time for doing things.

Small Claims Court

One of the biggest things I did this week was to go to court. It’s the first time in my life I’ve ever been to one, and it was interesting (if nothing else). It was only a preliminary hearing, but the security procedures were strict (much moreso than going to an airport) and the whole event itself was really really intense. Sitting next to/opposite somebody who you’re suing for a prolonged period of time…well, it’s something.

As I say, this was only a preliminary hearing and as far as I can tell, they’ll be a full hearing later on which is going to be even more intense. I’ll not comment more broadly on the case at the moment, but it’s interesting to see the court system in action.

Maybe there are better things to be doing with my time, but equally, I feel pretty slighted and think I’ve got a pretty good case. Isn’t there something to be said for justice, and for not being a pushover? Maybe I’ll get to the end of this and think it’s all been a big waste of time, and maybe not. At least I’m learning and experiencing a bit more of life that I otherwise wouldn’t see.

Gymnastics

Again, I’ve managed to take the four-year-old to free-play gymnastics, and again I’ve had a wonderful time (she did too!). The set-up is crazy - multiple foam pits, lots of parallel bars, trampolines everywhere and…well, pretty much everything you might hope a gymnastics centre might have.

My little girl was so brave, and it’s great to see how she’s developing and building confidence. From being scared to drop while holding hands into a foam pit to now launching herself off of trampolines into them, she’s doing great.

Private Healthcare

After nearly a year of putting it off and struggling to get coverage on insurance, I finally managed to take the eldest to get some allergy testing done. It’s been a long and complicated journey, but it’s good to finally have a confirmation that he’s got allergies (shellfish) and to know how we should apprpoach that.

Sadly, they don’t usually resolve and so he might spend the rest of his life never knowing the joy of eating prawns/lobster/crab. As far as allergies go, it’s not a bad one - there aren’t many situations in which you’re unlikely to be able to find a non-shellfish option, and they aren’t used as fillers in many things.

But still - there’s something a little sad about seeing your child’s life narrow, even if only in a tiny tiny way. As we get older, our options and possibilities narrow. I’ve eaten large prawns in a roadside shack with my family in Tenerife, eaten chilli crab with colleagues in Singapore, and cooked/eaten authentic Maine lobster in Kennebunkport. He won’t be able to have any of those experiences.

Still, we had a great day out - stopping for fish and chips in a car that gradually steamed up, soaking him in Dr Pepper by accident, and then getting him a hot chocolate that steamed his glasses up on the way to getting his diagnosis. We listened to Radio 4 on the way back so he could learn about the war in Iran. Even the doctor described him as “an unusual young boy”.

World Book Day

World Book Day appears to have become a juggernaut in the ‘primary school’ community. Every year, there’s a scramble to find costumes that vaguely fit some kind of theme. Every year, I get to see photos of my friends kids dressed up as their favourite characters.

This year our eldest went as a soldier (nominally as a member of the Charge of the Light Brigade from Tennyson’s poem, realistically because he wanted to dress up as somebody from the army) and my 4-year-old went as a ballerina (from Swan Lake, dubiously).

It used to be that we’d have to dress them up but now they’re broadly sufficient when it comes to choosing costumes and getting dressed. They choose crazy things, but if it makes them happy, who am I to intervene? Actually, as their father, I guess I’m probably one of two people most likely to intervene. But why would I? Their happiness and independence is worth more to me than just about anything else.

The Baby

It’s parental leave associated with the baby (now 8 months old!) and, as you might expect, I’m spending a lot of time with him. I’ve not really written so much about it, not because I haven’t been spending this time, but because it’s the default ‘thing’ that I do.

Sometimes, the time itself feels like a bit of a drag and it’s hard to know what he wants. He’s at the age where he can’t really do anything for himself, but he clearly has wants. So he moans and groans, while we try desparately to work out whether he’s bored, overstimulated, hungry, tired, thirsty, needs a burp/poo, or whether he just wants a spoon that he’s dropped, a toy from across the room, or is just experimenting making his mouth go.

But sometimes, he’s just fun. It’s a delight watching him smile now, and sit up, and start to explore the world. He can’t move but he can reach out and hit things and drop them and chew them and start to interact in a way that he couldn’t previously.

This is where relationships are built, and I can feel him becoming part of the family in a way that he wasn’t before. He’s starting to give and do things and…well, this is really what parental leave is all about.

Conclusion

Next week (actually, this week, I’m already halfway through it) is going to be an interesting one. At the start of the week I’m going to Oxford and doing DPhil things (including a public talk, and meeting both my supervisors), so preparing for that and giving it and recovering will take a bunch of time.

It’s good to know I’m still only just starting my parental leave, but I can see how it’ll disappear in a flash.