An Ode to Wetherspoons

JD Wetherspoons operate a large number (nearly 1,000) of pubs in the United Kingdom (and maybe elsewhere…this isn’t really a history and I’m not really going to research it). They’re chain pubs, with common themes and unique elements.

For those of you who know RyanAir…well, they’re the RyanAir of pubs. Alarmingly and unashamedly cheap.

Snobbishness

There’s a whole bunch of snobbiness that goes with Wetherspoons, especially if you’re at least a little middle class (as I now am, I think). They’re full of rough and horrible people buying cheap and microwaved food and drinking the worst of the worst alcohol. Lowest common denominator of everything - no class. No charm. Just cheap alcohol.

There’s a smidgen of a kernel of truth about that…but only when it comes to the microwaved food. Sure, the food is microwaved and is probably not the highest quality. But who cares? You’re paying £3 for a decent breakfast and hot drink. Or £8 for a burger and a pint.

Tim Martin’s Views

It was all the rage to hate on Wetherspoon’s during the pandemic because they were fairly outspoken about the fact that they weren’t going to be keeping staff on payroll as the pubs shut. And then Tim Martin was an arch-Brexiteer and a Farage fan and has his magazine and…

I’ve never really been into the whole ‘boycott a business because I disagree politically with the owner’. If you personally can only shop at places whose owners share your political views, sucks to be you, I guess. I don’t have to agree with Tim Martin on everything to be able to use his business, in the same way that I neither know nor care what the CEO of Skoda thinks when driving one of their cars.

Putting Locals out of Business

This is an argument I have a little more sympathy for - Wetherspoons are chain pubs that can and probably do put out a number of independently owned pubs out of business. But only in the same way that supermarkets, or fast food franchises, or any other nationally successful business tends to impact a market. They provide massive convenience and unbeatable prices: great for the customer, but at the cost of less effective local businesses who are forced to compete on other things. Do we lose something? Probably. But I guess we don’t value whatever it is we lose enough to make it worth our while going there.

Why They’re Brilliant

I’m sitting in the Wetherspoons in Knaresborough and I’ve had half a pint of decent ale brought to me for £1. £1. It’s warm, there’s a gentle hum of chatter and I know I can get food brought over at the drop of a hat. The building itself, like most Wetherspoons, is spectacular. My favourite was probably the old cinema/theatre in Stafford, or maybe the old hotel/coaching inn in Ripon. Or some of the grand buildings in Edinburgh or London. Honestly, Wetherspoons are renowned for taking grand buildings and keeping them alive.

They’re great to work from too - unlimited hot drinks for a pittance, passable toilets, good free wifi, and the ability to use the app to get things delivered. It’s a powerful combo.

A Social Hub

I think Wetherspoons are one of the few remaining places that really function as all pubs used to - viable third spaces. I used to work in a bookies and we functioned as a social hub to many of the local retired people. For 50p in betting, they’d get a warm place to sit and drink tea and watch races and chat for a day. Maybe they’d win or maybe they wouldn’t - that wasn’t really the point.

There are many great non-Wetherspoon pubs that I’m sure function as third spaces, but if I don’t know a city and I need to go somewhere, I know I can go to a Wetherspoons and get a decent welcome. I think there’s also a decent cross-section of society in a Wetherspoons - probably old-people leaning but generally a good mix.

Conclusion

I promise that this isn’t a paid ad (I don’t think Wetherspoons advertise, actually) - I’m just popping into the local Spoons for 30 minutes while I wait for Taekwondo grading to finish. Cheap and inclusive third spaces are critical for our society and I think Wetherspoons is one of the last remaining great hits of that genre. It’s much maligned, as all Great British Institutions must be. But here it is - my ode to Wetherspoons.

p.s. this post actually ended up getting finished at home because I only had half an hour and within 10 minutes of me sitting down, an old woman sat at the table next to me and started chatting to me about the weather. How’s that for British?